UR Addiction Recovery: Slippery Places

Get a Grip in Slippery Places

A Formal Expression Series (please leave comments regarding what helps you and others in recovery):
Brandon Bruce Dellario LMSW LASAC

This series of articles titled “UR Addiction Recovery” are my own personal experiences of life in recovery.  The following stories exemplify behaviors which help me to stay clean,
many are techniques taught to me by old-timers in twelve-step meetings, others are professional mental health interventions I have found useful in my personal life.  In this article I will focus on what I do given the many dicey situations presented to me in recovery.  I vastly appreciate being clean.  It has afforded me more benefits than I can name.  
          Along with working a twelve-step program in commitments with my sponsor, the following are tools that work for me.  I do not suggest all of them to everyone.  What works for me might kill someone else.  As twelve-step literature states, tools that have worked for me at one point in my recovery don’t work in another phase of recovery.  There are great lengths and sacrifices I make to stay clean, but it has become much easier to do over the years.  Life can still be tough, but I get better at living it every day.  Here is what I've learned so far.

          When I was thirty days clean, I shared at a meeting about wanting to go out and celebrate by dancing at the club.  Thank God that my friend John Richards was there to let me know that it might not be a good idea.  He told me if there was even the smallest percentage chance that I might use, or get something about using stuck in my head, then why risk it?  He started calling me the birthday-boy jokingly from then on.  John loved collecting stories from people when they came back from a relapse.  I think this was his way of helping them look at what they did, or did not do.  It was also his way of learning from them and avoiding problematic situations.  Most relapse stories start with the same thing, “I quit going to meetings and . . .” 
     After a couple years clean, I decided to attend karaoke at a local bar.
I did this with full accountability to my sponsor and other peer supports.  I’m sure I even told my Mom about my plans to venture out of the regular routine.  I wanted to do this as safely as possible.  Under the advisement of friends in meetings, 
I was told to go with other people in recovery and always give myself a way out of the situation.  To me, this means having my car, and not being responsible to drive others who may not want to leave.  To others “a way out” may mean having money for a cab or bus token.  
It also helps me to have access to a phone in order to talk to another addict in recovery.  I know to pick up the phone whenever I have a strong desire to use, but I can also call just to reach out for whatever reasons, including confusion, frustration, fun or friendship.  Talking to another addict in recovery always stabilizes me in any situation.

Doing things in this special new way also means keeping aware of myself and my spiritual condition.  If I’m not feeling comfortable in my own skin, it may signify it’s not the best night for me to go out, or it’s time to leave.  I know there are specific situations that might cause this, such as being near or speaking directly to people who are inebriated.  It can be shouting, fighting or the other chaotic characteristics of these “slippery” places.  Other times it just happens with no apparent reason.  I get “slimed.”  This is a term for the way a using addict can effect a clean addict, just by being near.  In this way I see the disease of addiction as having a slightly contagious nature.  
          The disease is very tricky to pinpoint and comes at me in subversive ways.  If I’m around anyone using heavily, after a while, I get feeling a bit of anxiety or frustration.  I can experience those types of stress, or I can start acting like an addict, without even using.  Blaming others for my problems, acting out in anger, paranoia, lying, cheating, manipulation along with all the other negative aspects.  I can slip into my old shoes very easily in certain circumstances around those living in active addiction.  In this way, I believe the disease of addiction to be contagious to those who are predisposed to it.
If I do choose to attend functions where drugs like alcohol are present, it is best for me to plan a bit and be cautious.  I can't control or moderate my drinking in the way some others can.  I can't stop for long on my own, and I can't stay stopped without regular help of others.  I have an actual allergic reaction to using (which is not always visable). For these reasons, I know I'm going to end up with unhealthy consequences if I use.  I'm very happy to know this and enjoy my freedom from addiction today.  I'm a grateful recovering addict/alcoholic.
I'm different from others, I'm in recovery :)